I Replaced My Credit Card with a Debit Card for 30 Days. My Spending Dropped 27%

I Replaced My Credit Card with a Debit Card for 30 Days. My Spending Dropped 27%

A Painful but Profitable Experiment

I always used my credit card, swiping for coffees and lunches without a second thought. To see what would happen, I put it in a drawer and exclusively used my debit card for one month. The results were staggering. Every time I bought a coffee, I saw my bank balance instantly drop. The “pain” of the purchase was immediate. I started packing my lunch. I brewed coffee at home. At the end of the month, I compared my statements. My discretionary spending had fallen by 27%. The debit card forced a level of mindfulness my credit card had allowed me to ignore.

The “Painless” Swipe: How Credit Cards Numb the Financial Pain of a Purchase

Delayed Consequences are No Consequences (In Your Brain)

Neuroscientists have shown that when you pay with cash, your brain’s pain centers light up. It feels like a real loss. When you pay with a credit card, that pain is almost nonexistent. You aren’t losing anything tangible in that moment; you’re just creating a future, abstract obligation. That “painless” swipe is a feature, not a bug, designed to make you spend more. I have to consciously remind myself that every credit card swipe is a real transaction, not just a Monopoly money game, to keep my spending in check.

Dopamine & Debt: The Neurological Reason You Can’t Stop Swiping

Your Brain on “Buy Now”

Every time you make a purchase, especially an impulsive one, your brain releases a small hit of dopamine, the “feel-good” neurotransmitter. Credit cards supercharge this process. You get the immediate pleasure of the new item without the immediate pain of losing money. This creates a powerful neurological feedback loop. Swipe, get dopamine. Swipe, get dopamine. Your brain learns to associate the credit card with pleasure, which can lead to a compulsive cycle of spending to chase that feeling, often resulting in debt. It’s a literal addiction.

I tracked every emotion I felt while getting into, and out of, $20,000 of credit card debt

A Diary of Financial Despair and Hope

Getting into debt felt like a series of small, exciting choices, each one giving a little thrill. The anxiety came later, as a low, constant hum. It was the feeling of checking my mail with a sense of dread. The shame was in avoiding calls from unknown numbers. Getting out of debt was a different journey. The first few big payments felt painful, like I was getting nothing in return. But when I paid off the first card, the emotion was pure relief. The final payment wasn’t excitement; it was a profound sense of peace and freedom.

The “What-the-Hell” Effect: How One Small Overdraft Leads to a Spending Binge

The Psychology of a Broken Diet

I once overdrew my debit account by a few dollars. My immediate thought wasn’t, “I need to be careful.” It was, “Well, the account’s already overdrawn, what the hell,” and I proceeded to buy an expensive lunch. It’s a known psychological phenomenon called the “what-the-hell” effect. It’s like when you’re on a diet, eat one cookie, and then figure you might as well eat the whole box. That one small financial misstep can break your sense of control and lead to a cascade of poor decisions.

Why Using a Debit Card Feels “Responsible” Even When It’s Not

The Illusion of Control

For years, I used a debit card because it felt “responsible.” I was only spending my own money. This feeling gave me an illusion of control. But in reality, it wasn’t always responsible. It offered me zero rewards, meaning I was leaving free money on the table. It provided weaker fraud protection, putting my cash at risk. And most importantly, it built zero credit history, which harmed my long-term financial health. The “feeling” of responsibility was actually masking a series of financially suboptimal choices.

The “Mental Accounting” Trick: We Treat Credit and Debit Money Differently

Funny Money vs. Real Money

I have no problem tapping my credit card for a $7 fancy coffee. But if I had to pay for it with cash from my wallet, I’d probably hesitate. This is “mental accounting.” Our brains put money into different psychological buckets. The money in our checking account feels “real.” The available balance on a credit card feels more abstract, like “the bank’s money,” making it easier to part with. Recognizing that I treat these two sources of funds differently is the first step in making sure a dollar spent is a dollar spent, no matter where it comes from.

I Gave My Partner My Credit Cards. A radical experiment in curbing impulse buys

A Self-Imposed Waiting Period

My impulse spending on Amazon was out of control. I’d see something, and with one click, it was on its way. As a radical experiment, I deleted my saved card info and gave my physical credit cards to my partner. Now, if I want to buy something non-essential, I have to ask for the card. This simple act creates a “spending friction” and a forced waiting period. More than half the time, by the time I can ask for the card, the impulse has passed and I realize I don’t actually need the item.

The anxiety of the “pending” transaction on a debit card vs. the “I’ll deal with it later” of a credit card

Present Stress vs. Future Stress

Using a debit card near the end of a pay period gives me a unique anxiety. I’m constantly doing mental math, trying to remember if that check I deposited has cleared or if that purchase from two days ago has settled. It’s a present-day stress. A credit card replaces that with a future stress. You can spend freely, knowing you don’t have to worry until the bill comes. For me, I’ve found that the low-grade, constant anxiety of the debit card is worse than the one big, predictable moment of stress when the credit card bill arrives.

How a Low Credit Limit Can Actually Be a Psychological Advantage

The “Short Leash” Strategy

When I got my first student card, I was disappointed with the tiny $500 limit. But it turned out to be a psychological blessing. It was a very “short leash.” It was impossible for me to get into serious trouble. Maxing out the card meant a $500 problem, not a $10,000 catastrophe. It forced me to learn the habit of paying my balance off in full every month to free up the limit for new purchases. That low limit was a built-in safety mechanism that taught me good habits from the very beginning.

The “Retail Therapy” Lie: How We Use Credit Cards to Medicate Our Moods

A Temporary High with a Lasting Hangover

After a terrible day at work, my first instinct used to be to go online and buy myself something nice. The thrill of the purchase and the anticipation of its arrival would give me a temporary mood boost. But a week later, when the dopamine hit had faded and the credit card bill was looming, I was left with the same bad feelings, plus the added stress of the new debt. I learned that “retail therapy” is a lie. It’s a short-term, high-interest loan on happiness that you always have to pay back.

Visualizing Debt: I Represented My Credit Card Balance in LEGO Bricks

A Tangible Tower of Bad Decisions

My $3,000 credit card debt felt like an abstract number on a screen. To make it real, I bought a huge bin of LEGOs. I decided that each tiny, one-stud brick represented one dollar of debt. I sat on my floor and built a tower of 3,000 bricks. The physical size of it was shocking. It was a tangible, colorful monument to my overspending. Every time I made a payment, I would remove the corresponding number of bricks. Watching the tower slowly shrink was an incredibly powerful and motivating visual on my journey to becoming debt-free.

The language of debt: “Good debt” vs. “Bad debt” and why it matters

An Asset or an Afternoon’s Entertainment?

My dad explained debt to me this way: “Good debt” helps you acquire an asset that will grow in value or increase your earning potential. This includes a mortgage on a house or a student loan for a valuable degree. “Bad debt” is for things that lose value the second you buy them. This is credit card debt for dinners out, vacations, or new clothes. Understanding this distinction changed my perspective. I became comfortable with my “good” student loan debt, and utterly intolerant of carrying any “bad” credit card debt.

The social pressure to keep up with friends who have different financial realities

My Budget vs. Their Lifestyle

My friends started getting better jobs than me, and they wanted to go to expensive restaurants and on weekend trips I couldn’t afford. The pressure to keep up was intense. I put a few dinners on my credit card just to avoid the embarrassment of saying no. It was a terrible feeling. I finally had to be honest. I told them, “That sounds amazing, but it’s not in my budget right now. How about we do a potluck at my place instead?” True friends will understand. Going into debt to fund a friendship isn’t sustainable.

How the “minimum payment” is designed to create a feeling of false progress

The Treadmill of Debt

When I was in debt, seeing that my minimum payment was only $25 on a $1,000 balance felt like a relief. I thought, “I can do that!” I was making progress. But it’s a psychological trick. Because of interest, most of that tiny payment was just going to the bank, not to my actual debt. It’s like being on a treadmill. You’re putting in effort every month, you feel like you’re moving, but you’re not actually getting any closer to your destination. It’s designed to keep you paying for as long as possible.

The “Envelope System” with a Debit Card: A Modern Twist on an Old Method

Digital Buckets for My Spending

I loved the idea of the cash envelope system, but I live in a mostly cashless world. I created a digital version. I have three separate, free online checking accounts. My main account receives my paycheck. Then, I have automatic transfers set up to move my “Grocery” budget into the second account, and my “Fun Money” budget into the third account. Each account has its own debit card. When my “Fun Money” card gets declined, I know I’m done for the month. It brings the discipline of the envelope system into the digital age.

Why breaking a large purchase into “4 easy payments” is a psychological trap

The Illusion of Affordability

I wanted a new $400 coat. The website offered a “buy now, pay later” option: just four easy payments of $100! This is a psychological trap. My brain wasn’t processing a $400 purchase; it was processing a much more manageable $100 purchase. It lowers the mental barrier to spending. It felt cheaper, even though the total cost was exactly the same. I had to force myself to see the full price tag, not the tempting installment plan, to make a rational decision about whether I could actually afford it.

The feeling of power vs. the feeling of fear: Debit vs. Credit

A Double-Edged Emotional Sword

Swiping a credit card with a high limit can give you a feeling of power and abundance. The world is at your fingertips. There are no immediate consequences. Swiping a debit card when you know your balance is low creates a feeling of fear and scarcity. Every purchase is fraught with anxiety. Is there enough money? Will it be declined? The goal is to find the middle ground: use the credit card for its benefits, but maintain the scarcity mindset of the debit card user by tracking your spending as if the money is already gone.

How marketers use “points” and “rewards” to hijack your brain’s reward system

Turning Spending into a Game

Credit card rewards are a brilliant marketing invention. They turn spending money into a game where you “earn” points. My brain doesn’t just see a $100 grocery bill; it sees “200 points closer to a free flight!” This gamification can trick you into spending more than you normally would, just to get the points. I have to constantly remind myself that a 2% reward on an unnecessary purchase is still a 98% loss. The goal is to earn rewards on the spending you were already going to do, not to spend just to earn rewards.

The shame and secrecy of credit card debt: A personal story

The Debt I Hid from Everyone

I was in over $15,000 of credit card debt, and I didn’t tell a soul. Not my parents, not my best friends, not my partner. It felt like a massive personal failing. I was so ashamed. I would pay for dinner with friends on my credit card, pretending everything was fine, while internally, I was screaming. The secrecy was almost as stressful as the debt itself. The first step to getting out was finally confessing to my partner. The relief of just saying it out loud was immense and gave me the strength to finally make a plan.

Does seeing your bank balance every time you spend (with debit) make you a better saver?

The Constant Financial Mirror

When I used my debit card, my mobile banking app was my most-used app. I was constantly checking my balance, almost obsessively. Every purchase was immediately reflected in my available funds. This constant confrontation with the reality of my spending had a powerful effect. It forced me to be more mindful and made it much harder to overspend. While credit cards have more benefits, the raw, unfiltered feedback of a debit card can be a powerful psychological tool for someone trying to get their spending under control.

The “Abundance” Mindset vs. the “Scarcity” Mindset with Plastic

Two Sides of the Same Wallet

When I use my credit card with its $10,000 limit, I operate from an “abundance” mindset. The possibilities seem endless. When I use my debit card with $150 in the account, I operate from a “scarcity” mindset. Every dollar is precious. The key to financial health is to use the tool of abundance (the credit card) but maintain the mindset of scarcity. I try to treat my credit card as if it only has a $150 limit, even though it doesn’t. This mental trick allows me to get the card’s benefits without falling into its psychological traps.

How to detach your self-worth from your credit card limit or debt level

Your Net Worth Is Not Your Self-Worth

When I was deep in debt, I felt worthless. When I got my first high-limit credit card, I felt like a success. I had tied my self-worth to these arbitrary numbers. I had to learn to detach. My debt was a result of my past choices, not a reflection of my inherent value as a person. My credit limit was just a reflection of a bank’s risk calculation, not a measure of my importance. Separating your financial situation from your identity is a crucial step in dealing with money issues logically and without shame.

The “just in case” credit card: A safety net or a trap?

The Emergency Card That Became a Convenience Card

I got a credit card and told myself it was strictly for emergencies—a car repair, a medical bill. I kept it in my wallet “just in case.” But my brain slowly started to redefine “emergency.” A stressful day at work became an “emergency” that required ordering expensive takeout. Seeing a flash sale on a pair of shoes became a “just in case they sell out” emergency. My safety net had turned into a trap that enabled my impulse spending. A real emergency fund is cash in a savings account, not a line of credit.

I tried a “no-spend” month, only using my debit card for absolute essentials

A Financial Detox

My spending had gotten out of control. I decided to do a “no-spend” month. I took my credit cards out of my wallet and only used my debit card for absolute, pre-approved essentials: rent, utilities, gas, and groceries. No coffees out, no lunches, no online shopping, no subscriptions. It was incredibly difficult, but it completely reset my sense of “need” versus “want.” It broke the habit of casual, thoughtless spending and recalibrated my brain to the actual value of a dollar.

The gambler’s fallacy and credit card spending

“I’ve Been So Good, I Can Afford to Be Bad”

The gambler’s fallacy is the mistaken belief that if something happens more frequently than normal, it will happen less frequently in the future. I used to apply this to my spending. After a month of being really frugal and saving money, I’d think, “I’ve been so good, I’ve earned a little splurge.” I’d then go out and make a large, unnecessary purchase on my credit card, undoing all my hard work. I had to learn that good financial behavior doesn’t “earn” you a pass to be irresponsible.

How automated bill-pay on a credit card can disconnect you from your actual expenses

The Danger of “Set It and Forget It”

I put all my monthly subscriptions on my credit card and set it to autopay. It was convenient, but it also made me completely disconnected from my spending. The money just disappeared. I recently did an audit and found I was still paying for three services I hadn’t used in months. The “set it and forget it” convenience had a real cost. Now, I review my credit card statement line-by-line every single month to make sure I’m not paying for things I don’t actually use.

The psychological trick of paying your credit card bill weekly instead of monthly

Bringing the Pain into the Present

Waiting for one big credit card bill at the end of the month was stressful. I adopted a new system: I pay my credit card bill every Friday. This has two psychological benefits. First, it prevents the bill from ever getting overwhelmingly large. A $150 payment feels much more manageable than a $600 one. Second, it brings the “pain” of the purchase much closer to the present moment, similar to a debit card. It keeps me much more aware of my spending throughout the week and helps me stay on budget.

“I deserve this”: Unpacking the most dangerous phrase in personal finance

Treating Yourself into a Hole

After a hard week, I’d often find myself saying, “I work so hard, I deserve this new gadget.” This phrase is financial poison. It’s a justification for turning a “want” into a “need.” It’s an emotional argument, not a logical one. Did I deserve a nice thing? Maybe. But did I deserve the stress and high-interest debt that would come with putting it on my credit card? Absolutely not. I had to learn to treat myself in ways that didn’t involve spending money I didn’t have.

How the design of a credit card (metal, color) influences your desire to use it

The Power of the Heavy Metal Card

My bank offered me a heavy, metal credit card. It felt so substantial and luxurious in my hand. It was silly, but I found myself wanting to use it more often. Pulling out that sleek, metal card to pay for something felt more impressive than using a flimsy piece of plastic. Banks know this. They use design, color, and weight to create a psychological attachment and a sense of prestige around a card, which can subtly encourage you to use it more frequently. It’s a powerful marketing tool.

The endowment effect: Why we overvalue the things we buy on credit

My $500 Jacket That I Wouldn’t Buy for $200

I bought a $500 jacket on my credit card. A month later, I was feeling some buyer’s remorse. A friend offered to buy it from me for $400. I refused. Even though I regretted the debt, now that I owned the jacket, my brain overvalued it. This is the endowment effect. Once something is ours, we value it more highly than its actual market price. This is a dangerous trap with credit, as it makes it harder to return things or admit we made a mistake, locking us into the debt.

I interviewed a psychologist about financial therapy and credit card addiction

It’s Never Just About the Money

I spoke with a financial therapist. She said that large credit card debt is almost never about the money. It’s a symptom of something else: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, or a need for control. People use spending to medicate their feelings. She explained that a budget is useless unless you address the underlying emotional triggers first. You have to understand why you’re swiping before you can change the behavior. It was a profound insight that the numbers on the statement are just a reflection of the feelings in your head.

The parental influence: Did your parents use debit or credit, and how does it affect you?

The Financial Habits We Inherit

My parents were terrified of debt and only ever used debit cards. They taught me that credit cards were evil. As a result, I avoided them for years and damaged my ability to build a credit history. My friend’s parents, on the other hand, were travel hackers who used credit cards for everything and paid them off each month. He adopted their habits and flew to Europe for free with points. Our parents’ financial culture, whether it’s fear-based or strategic, creates a powerful, often unconscious, script that we follow in our own lives.

How to celebrate a win in life without going into debt

Rewarding Yourself Without a Financial Hangover

When I got a promotion at work, my first instinct was to celebrate by buying a new, expensive watch on my credit card. I stopped myself. I wanted to celebrate the win, not create a new financial burden. Instead, I took a day off work, went for a long hike, and then cooked a nice steak dinner at home. The celebration was about the experience and the feeling of accomplishment, not about the acquisition of a new object. I learned to separate celebrating from spending.

The “future self” problem: Why we borrow from our future happiness for present pleasure

Stealing from a Stranger: Yourself

Psychologists say we view our “future self” as a different person, almost a stranger. This makes it easy to make decisions that benefit us now but harm our future self later. When I put a lavish vacation on my credit card, my “present self” gets all the pleasure of the trip. My “future self” is the one who has to deal with the stress and the burden of paying off the debt. I had to learn to have empathy for my future self, and to stop stealing from his happiness to fund my own fleeting, present-day pleasure.

The power of a “financial fast” to reset your spending habits

A 30-Day Spending Detox

My impulse spending on my credit card was out of control. I decided to go on a “financial fast.” For 30 days, I froze my credit cards in a block of ice and committed to spending money only on absolute necessities: rent, utilities, gas, and a strict grocery budget. No eating out, no online shopping, no coffees. It was incredibly hard, but it broke the dopamine loop of casual spending. It reset my baseline and made me appreciate every single dollar. It was the psychological detox I desperately needed.

I wrote down every purchase and how I felt before, during, and after. The results were shocking

An Emotional Spending Journal

For one month, I kept a spending journal. For every non-essential purchase, I wrote down how I was feeling right before I bought it (usually bored or stressed), how I felt while buying it (a quick thrill), and how I felt an hour later (usually, nothing, or a little bit of guilt). The data was clear. I was using small, impulsive purchases to manage my negative emotions. Seeing this pattern written down in my own handwriting was the proof I needed that my spending wasn’t about the things I was buying; it was about the feelings I was avoiding.

How to have a “money talk” with your partner without it ending in a fight

A Team Meeting, Not a Confrontation

My partner and I used to avoid talking about money because it always got tense. We changed our approach. We now have a scheduled, monthly “State of the Union” meeting. It’s not about blame; it’s about data. We look at our credit card statements and bank accounts together as a team. We talk about our shared goals. By framing it as a regular, neutral check-in, like a business meeting, we’ve removed the emotion and blame. It’s no longer a fight; it’s a strategy session.

The illusion of control when using a debit card

You’re Following Rules, Not Making Them

Using a debit card feels like you’re in control because you can’t spend money you don’t have. But this is an illusion. You’re not actually in control; you’re just being constrained by your balance. It’s a passive form of money management. True financial control is being able to use a more powerful tool, like a credit card, with the discipline to not overspend. It’s about making conscious, budgeted choices, not just being limited by the number in your account. Control is a mindset, not a type of plastic.

The connection between financial clutter (debt) and physical clutter

A Messy Wallet, a Messy Mind

When I was deep in credit card debt, my apartment was a mess. My car was full of junk. My desk was piled high with unopened mail. I learned there’s a deep psychological connection between financial and physical clutter. The mental weight and stress of the debt left me with no energy to deal with my physical surroundings. As I started to pay off my debt and clear my financial clutter, I found the motivation to clean my apartment and organize my life. A clear balance sheet led to a clear living space.

Building “spending friction” back into your life to curb impulse buys

Making It Harder to Buy Things

Modern life is designed to be frictionless. With one-click ordering and “tap to pay,” it’s incredibly easy to spend money without thinking. I decided to intentionally build some “friction” back into my life. I deleted all my saved credit card information from my online accounts. Now, if I want to buy something, I have to physically get up, find my wallet, and type in the 16-digit number. That small, 30-second delay is often enough for the initial impulse to fade and for me to ask, “Do I really need this?”

How to know if you have a genuine shopping addiction

When “Retail Therapy” Becomes a Compulsion

A shopping habit becomes an addiction when it starts to have negative consequences on your life and you can’t stop. I knew my spending was a problem when I started hiding my credit card bills from my partner. I felt a rush when I was buying things, but intense guilt and shame afterwards. I was spending money I didn’t have, and it was causing stress in my relationships. It wasn’t just a fun hobby anymore; it was a compulsive behavior I couldn’t control. That’s when I knew I needed to seek help.

The freedom of being debt-free: What does it actually feel like?

A Quiet Mind

I spent years paying off my credit card debt. The day I made the final payment, I didn’t feel a huge burst of excitement. I felt… quiet. For the first time in years, the low-grade hum of anxiety in the back of my mind was gone. The fear of checking my mail was gone. The shame was gone. The freedom of being debt-free isn’t about being able to buy more things. It’s about the mental space that opens up when you’re no longer dedicating a huge chunk of your brainpower to stressing about money.

The hedonic treadmill: Why a higher credit limit doesn’t lead to more happiness

The Goalposts Just Keep Moving

When my credit limit was increased from $1,000 to $5,000, I was thrilled. I felt successful. But within a few months, that new limit felt normal. My spending slowly crept up to match it. This is the “hedonic treadmill.” We adapt to our new circumstances, and our baseline for happiness resets. A higher credit limit or a higher salary doesn’t create lasting happiness, because our expectations just rise to meet it. True contentment comes from managing what you have, not from constantly chasing a higher limit.

The fear of missing out (FOMO) and its effect on your credit card

The Most Expensive Emotion

My friends were all booking a spontaneous weekend trip to Vegas. I couldn’t afford it, but the fear of missing out on the memories and inside jokes was intense. I put the $800 trip on my credit card. The trip was fun, but the financial hangover lasted for a year as I slowly paid it off. FOMO is a powerful and expensive emotion. I’ve learned to recognize it and have a planned response: “That sounds amazing! I can’t make this one, but I can’t wait to see the pictures.”

A cognitive-behavioral therapy approach to stopping impulse spending

Changing Your Thoughts to Change Your Actions

I used Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques to tackle my impulse spending. When I felt the urge to buy something, I would stop and identify the “automatic thought” behind it (e.g., “This will make me feel better”). Then, I would challenge that thought (“Will it really? For how long?”). Finally, I would replace it with a more rational thought (“I’m feeling stressed, so I will go for a walk instead of buying something”). By interrupting and reframing the thought process, I was able to change the resulting behavior.

The mental gymnastics we do to justify a large purchase on a credit card

The “Girl Math” of a Bad Decision

I wanted a new $1,200 laptop. I couldn’t afford it, but I performed some impressive mental gymnastics to justify it. “It’s an investment in my career,” I told myself. “If I divide the cost by 365 days, it’s only like three dollars a day! That’s less than a coffee!” I was using these justifications to make an emotionally-driven decision seem logical. I had to be honest with myself. I didn’t need a new laptop, I wanted one. And I couldn’t afford it. Admitting that simple truth stopped me from making a costly mistake.

How using cash for a week can recalibrate your sense of value

The Pain of a $20 Bill Breaking

After a month of mindlessly tapping my credit card, I did a “cash only” week. I took out $200 and that was my budget. The first time I had to hand over a crisp $20 bill for a simple lunch, it felt physically painful. The loss was tangible. I saw my cash supply visibly dwindling. That week completely recalibrated my sense of value. It reconnected me with the physical reality of money and made me a much more mindful spender when I went back to using my cards.

The story of my “rock bottom” moment with credit card debt

The Declined Debit Card at the Grocery Store

My “rock bottom” wasn’t a flashy event. I was at the grocery store buying a few essentials—milk, bread, and eggs. My credit cards were all maxed out. I went to pay with my debit card, praying there was enough in my account. The total was $12. The card was declined. I had to shamefully tell the cashier to put it all back. The inability to buy a dozen eggs was my wake-up call. That night, I went home, cut up my credit cards, and finally made a real plan to get out of debt.

Mindfulness and money: A new approach to conscious spending

Being Present with Your Purchases

I started applying the principles of mindfulness to my spending. Before I buy something, I take a moment and ask myself a few questions. Why do I want this? How will I feel after I buy it? Does this purchase align with my long-term goals? This simple act of pausing and being present, rather than acting on an immediate impulse, has dramatically reduced my unnecessary spending. It’s about bringing intention and awareness to a part of my life that used to be completely mindless.