I Tried Senior Dating Apps at 65. Here’s What I Learned (And Who I Met).
My ‘Second First Date’
After my wife passed, my house felt so quiet. My daughter gently suggested I try a dating app. I was terrified. I thought it was just for young people. I signed up for OurTime, a site for people over 50. The biggest thing I learned was to be honest. I wrote a simple profile about my love for gardening and history. I met a few nice women for coffee. Then I met Carol. She’s a retired teacher who also loves history. Our first date lasted four hours. That was a year ago.
The 5 Red Flags That Instantly Reveal a Romance Scammer
The ‘Too Good to Be True’ Test
I was talking to a handsome man on a dating app who claimed to be a doctor working overseas. I was swept off my feet, until I noticed the red flags. 1. His photos looked like they were from a magazine. 2. He “fell in love” with me in a week, before we ever video chatted. 3. He had a dramatic story about why he couldn’t video call. 4. He asked me to communicate off the app, via email. 5. The final, biggest flag: he had a crisis and needed me to send him two thousand dollars.
How to Write a Dating Profile That Gets Noticed (For the Right Reasons)
From a ‘Blank Page’ to a ‘Warm Welcome’
When I first created my dating profile, I just wrote “I enjoy walks and reading.” It was so boring. I got no messages. My friend helped me rewrite it. Instead of just saying I like to read, I wrote, “I’m a history buff currently lost in a great book about the Civil War.” Instead of “I like to travel,” I wrote, “I’m dreaming of a trip to Italy to finally see the art I’ve read about.” Being specific and showing my personality, not just listing my hobbies, made all the difference.
SilverSingles vs. OurTime vs. Match: Which Dating Site is Best for Seniors?
The ‘Big Three’ Showdown
I decided to dip my toe into online dating and tried the three most popular sites for my age group. Match.com had the largest number of users, but many were younger. OurTime was exclusively for people over 50, which was nice, and the interface was very simple. But I found the most success with SilverSingles. It required me to fill out a very detailed personality questionnaire, and the matches it sent me felt much more compatible and serious. For me, the quality of matches on SilverSingles was the clear winner.
The Safest Way to Have a “First Date” (Hint: It’s a Video Call)
My ‘Pre-Date’ Date
I was nervous about meeting a stranger from a dating app in person. I decided to make a new rule for myself: I always have a “pre-date” via a video call first. It’s a low-pressure, 15-minute chat on FaceTime or through the app itself. It’s an incredibly effective screening tool. You can quickly tell if you have any chemistry, if they look like their pictures, and if you even want to spend an hour having coffee with them. It has saved me from so many potentially awkward and disappointing first dates.
How I Used Meetup.com to Find Friends With Similar Interests, Not a Date
My ‘Tribe’ Finder
After my husband passed away, I wasn’t ready to date, but I was lonely. I wanted to find friends who shared my interests. I went on the website Meetup.com. I searched for groups in my area and found a weekly hiking group for women over 50 and a monthly book club that meets at a local cafe. I’ve made some wonderful, genuine friends through these groups. It’s a fantastic way to build a new social life around a shared hobby, with no romantic pressure.
The “Do’s and Don’ts” of Messaging Someone for the First Time
Beyond ‘Hey’
I learned quickly that just sending a message that says “Hi” or “Hey” on a dating app almost never gets a response. My new strategy is simple. I read their profile carefully and mention something specific. My go-to opener is, “Hi [Name], I see you’re also a fan of [Hobby they mentioned]. I just finished reading [Book they mentioned] and loved it. What did you think?” It shows I actually read their profile, it’s personal, and it gives them an easy question to answer. It works so much better.
How to Take a Flattering Profile Picture Using Just Your Phone
The ‘Natural Light’ Secret
I needed a good profile picture for my dating profile, but I didn’t want a stuffy, professional headshot. My daughter taught me a few simple tricks. She said the best light is always natural light. We stood facing a window, which gave me a soft, flattering light. She told me to think of something that makes me happy, which resulted in a genuine, warm smile, not a forced one. She took about 20 pictures, and we chose the one where I looked the most relaxed and like myself.
I Reconnected With an Old Flame on Facebook. Here’s How It Happened.
The ‘Friend Suggestion’ That Changed My Life
I had been divorced for a few years. One day, I was scrolling through Facebook and in the “People You May Know” section, a familiar face popped up: my high school sweetheart, who I hadn’t seen in 40 years. His profile said he was also divorced. My heart was pounding, but I took a chance and sent him a simple, friendly message. We started chatting, then met for coffee. It turned out the spark was still there. We’ve been happily together for two years now.
The Best Way to Do a “Background Check” on a Potential Date
A ‘Sanity Check,’ Not a ‘Spy Mission’
Before I meet someone from a dating app in person, I do a quick, simple “sanity check” online. It’s not about deep-level spying. I just do a Google search of their name and the city they live in. I might also do a quick search for them on Facebook. I’m just looking for any major red flags. Does their story seem to check out? Do they seem to be who they say they are? This simple, 10-minute search has given me an extra layer of confidence and helped me weed out a few people who seemed suspicious.
How to Politely Decline a Second Date Using a Dating App
The ‘Kind and Clear’ Rejection
I went on a coffee date with a nice man, but I just didn’t feel any romantic connection. I dreaded the thought of having to reject him. I decided to send a simple, polite, and clear message through the dating app. I wrote, “Thank you so much for meeting me for coffee. I really enjoyed our conversation, but I just didn’t feel a romantic spark. I wish you the very best in your search.” It was honest, kind, and it avoided the cruel, modern trend of just “ghosting” someone.
I Joined an Online Group for Widows and Widowers and Found a Community
The ‘People Who Get It’
After my husband died, I felt so alone. My well-meaning friends tried to help, but they didn’t truly understand my grief. I found an online forum for widows and widowers. It was a private, supportive community where I could share my feelings with people who were going through the exact same thing. We could talk about our grief, our memories, and our fears for the future. Finding that community of people who “get it” was a crucial part of my healing process.
The Conversation Starters That Actually Work on Dating Apps
Beyond ‘How Was Your Weekend?’
I found that the best conversations on dating apps start with open-ended, interesting questions. Instead of “How are you?”, I’ll ask, “What’s been the best part of your week so far?” Instead of “What do you do?”, I’ll ask, “What’s the most interesting project you’re working on right now?” And my favorite, based on their profile: “I see you love to travel. If you could snap your fingers and be anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?” These questions invite a more thoughtful and revealing response.
What to Do When a Grandchild or Child Disapproves of Your Online Dating
‘My Life, My Choice’
When I told my adult children I was starting to date online, my son was less than thrilled. He was worried I would get hurt or scammed. I had a calm, direct conversation with him. I said, “I appreciate your concern, and it comes from a place of love. I want you to know I am being very careful and I’m not making any rash decisions. But this is my life, and I deserve to find happiness and companionship. I hope I can have your support.” He eventually came around.
How to Spot a “Catfish” (Someone Using a Fake Profile)
The ‘Video Chat’ Test
I was talking to a woman on a dating app who seemed perfect. Her photos were beautiful, and her messages were charming. But she always had an excuse for why she couldn’t have a quick video call. “My camera is broken,” or “I’m not feeling well.” This is the number one red flag for a “catfish”—someone who is using fake photos and pretending to be someone they’re not. My rule is simple: if a person won’t video chat with me for five minutes after a week of talking, I assume they’re a catfish and I move on.
The Best Niche Dating Sites (For Farmers, Readers, Fitness Buffs, etc.)
Finding My ‘Needle in a Haystack’
I’m an avid reader, and it was important to me to find a partner who shared that passion. On the big dating sites, it felt like searching for a needle in a haystack. I found a niche dating site specifically for book lovers. The profiles were all centered around people’s favorite authors and genres. It made it so much easier to connect with like-minded people. For any specific passion, whether it’s farming, fitness, or your religion, there’s likely a niche dating site that can help you find your person.
I Used Bumble, Where Women Make the First Move. My Experience.
The ‘Role Reversal’
As a woman re-entering the dating world, I was tired of receiving unwanted, low-effort messages from men. I decided to try the Bumble app. On Bumble, after you match with someone, only the woman can send the first message. This simple role reversal put me completely in control. I could choose who I wanted to talk to, and I could set the tone of the conversation. It was an empowering and much more pleasant experience than the other apps I had tried.
How to Set Your “Deal Breakers” and Preferences on a Dating Site
The ‘Filtering’ Tool
When I first started online dating, I was getting matched with people who were completely wrong for me—smokers, or people who lived 100 miles away. I learned to use the “preferences” or “filter” tools on the dating app. I was able to set my “deal breakers.” I set my distance preference to a 25-mile radius. I specified that I was looking for a non-smoker. Using these filters helped the app show me a much more curated and compatible list of potential matches, which saved me a lot of time.
The Importance of Never Giving Out Your Phone Number Too Soon
The ‘App as a Shield’
When I first start talking to someone on a dating app, I never give them my personal phone number. The app’s built-in messaging feature is a great “shield.” It allows me to communicate with them without revealing my private contact information. I only share my phone number after we’ve had a video call and have agreed to meet in person. It’s a simple safety boundary that keeps me in control of my privacy.
I Found a Great Travel Buddy Using a “Friend-Finding” App
My ‘Wanderlust’ Companion
I love to travel, but since my husband passed, I didn’t have anyone to go with. I wasn’t looking for a romance, just a travel companion. I joined a site called “Stitch,” which is a social network for people over 50. I joined a “Travel” group within the site. I started chatting with a woman in my area who also had a passion for seeing the world. We’ve since taken two trips together—a cruise to Alaska and a road trip through New England. It’s been wonderful.
How to Handle Rejection Gracefully in the World of Online Dating
It’s Not Personal, It’s ‘Sorting’
Online dating involves a lot of rejection. You’ll send messages that don’t get a response, or you’ll have a date that doesn’t lead to a second one. I’ve learned not to take it personally. I think of it as “sorting.” Not everyone is going to be the right fit for me, and I’m not going to be the right fit for everyone. If someone isn’t interested, it’s not a reflection of my worth; it’s just a matter of incompatibility. This mindset has helped me stay positive and resilient.
The Best Apps for Finding Local Social Clubs and Groups
My ‘Social Calendar’ Upgrade
I wanted to get out of the house and be more social. I use the Meetup app to find local groups. It’s a treasure trove. I’ve found a weekly walking group, a monthly dinner club for people in my age range, and even a group that gets together to play board games. It’s a fantastic way to explore new hobbies and meet new people in a low-pressure group setting. It’s been the primary tool I’ve used to build a new, active social life.
What to Wear for a Video Date: A Simple Guide
‘Business on Top, Comfort on the Bottom’
I had my first “video date” and I didn’t know what to wear. My daughter gave me some great advice. She said to think “business on top, comfort on the bottom.” I wore a nice, solid-colored sweater (solid colors look better on camera than busy patterns) and made sure my hair and makeup were done. But from the waist down, I was wearing my comfortable sweatpants. It was the perfect combination of looking presentable on camera while still feeling relaxed in my own home.
How to Block and Report Someone Who Makes You Uncomfortable
The ‘Eject’ Button
I was messaging with a man on a dating app who started making inappropriate and pushy comments. I immediately used the “Block and Report” feature. I just had to go to his profile, tap the three little dots, and the option was right there. Blocking him immediately prevented him from contacting me ever again. Reporting him flagged his behavior for the dating site’s safety team. It’s a powerful and necessary tool for immediately removing someone who is making you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
I Thought Online Dating Was Desperate. I Was Wrong.
The ‘Modern Introduction’
For a long time, I resisted online dating because I thought it was only for desperate people. I finally realized that it’s just the modern way that people meet. It’s no different than being introduced by a friend; it’s just that the “friend” is a computer algorithm. It’s a practical tool that introduces you to a much wider circle of single people than you would ever encounter in your day-to-day life. It’s not desperate; it’s efficient.
How Much Information is “Too Much” to Share on a Profile?
The ‘Intrigue, Don’t Overshare’ Rule
When I was writing my dating profile, I was tempted to tell my whole life story. I learned that less is more. My profile should be an intriguing “trailer,” not the whole movie. I share my hobbies and what I’m looking for, but I save the details of my past relationships or my complicated family dynamics for a later, in-person conversation. The goal of the profile is to spark enough curiosity to start a conversation, not to lay all your cards on the table at once.
The “Slow Dating” Movement and Apps That Support It
Quality Over Quantity
I was getting tired of the fast-paced, “swipe-left, swipe-right” culture of some dating apps. I found an app that embraces a “slow dating” philosophy. Instead of showing me hundreds of profiles a day, it shows me just one or two carefully selected matches. It then encourages a deeper conversation rather than just a quick chat. It’s a refreshing change of pace that focuses on making a genuine connection with one person at a time, rather than playing a numbers game.
I Joined an Online Book Club and Made Real Friends
My ‘Shared Story’
I wanted to meet new people but was tired of the dating scene. I joined an online book club that I found on Facebook. We read one book a month and then “meet” via a Zoom video call to discuss it. It’s been a wonderful experience. We have a shared interest to talk about, so the conversation is always engaging. Through our discussions about books, I’ve gotten to know a group of smart, interesting women, and a few of them have become genuine, real-life friends.
How to Navigate the “Who Pays?” Question in Modern Dating
The ‘I’ll Get This One’ Offer
The etiquette of who pays on a date has changed so much. My personal approach, as a man, is that for a first “coffee date,” I always offer to pay. It’s a small, kind gesture. If we go on a second date for a real meal, I will again offer to pay, but I am also very open to her suggestion of splitting the bill. And if she insists on paying, I accept gracefully. I’ve found that open communication and a sense of fairness are more important than any old-fashioned rule.
The Pros and Cons of a Paid Subscription vs. a Free Dating Site
The ‘Investment’ in My Love Life
I’ve used both free and paid dating sites. The “pro” of a free site is obvious: it costs nothing. The “con” is that you often have to sort through a lot more fake profiles and people who aren’t very serious. The “pro” of a paid site, like Match.com or eHarmony, is that because people are making a financial investment, they tend to be more serious and committed to the process. I found that paying a small monthly fee resulted in higher-quality matches and a better overall experience.
How to Tell a Friend or Family Member You Met Someone Online
The ‘Happy News’ Announcement
After a few months of dating a wonderful woman I met online, it was time to tell my friends. I was a little nervous about being judged. I decided to just be straightforward and happy about it. I said, “I have some exciting news. I’ve been seeing someone, she’s a wonderful person, and we met on OurTime.” I found that when I treated it as normal, happy news, everyone else did too. They were just happy that I was happy.
The Best Icebreaker Games to Play on a Video Call Date
From ‘Interview’ to ‘Interaction’
My first few video dates felt like job interviews. To make it more fun, I started using a simple icebreaker game. My favorite is “Two Truths and a Lie.” We each take a turn telling three “facts” about ourselves—two that are true, and one that’s a lie. The other person has to guess which one is the lie. It’s a fun, playful way to share interesting tidbits about ourselves and it immediately breaks the ice and turns a stiff interview into a fun interaction.
I Used a Pen Pal Website to Connect with Someone Internationally
A ‘Letter’ from an Old Friend I’ve Never Met
I wasn’t looking for a romance, but I was lonely and I love to write. I joined a website called “Interpals,” a platform for finding pen pals from around the world. I found a woman my age in a small town in England who also loves gardening and reading. We’ve been exchanging long, thoughtful emails for over a year now. We share stories about our lives, our families, and our cultures. It’s a slow, beautiful friendship that has enriched my life immensely.
How to Manage Your Expectations and Avoid Burnout
The ‘Marathon, Not a Sprint’ Mindset
When I first started online dating, I was so eager to meet someone that I would get discouraged if I didn’t have a great date every week. I was on the verge of burnout. I learned that I needed to approach it like a marathon, not a sprint. I now limit myself to checking the app just once a day. And I remind myself that the goal isn’t to go on a lot of dates; it’s to go on good dates with people I’m genuinely interested in. This patient mindset has made the process much more enjoyable.
The “Verified Profile” Badge and Why It Matters
The ‘Stamp of Authenticity’
On many dating apps, I’ve started seeing a little blue checkmark or a “Verified” badge on some profiles. This usually means that the person has proven to the app that they are a real person by taking a live selfie that the app matches with their profile pictures. While it’s not a guarantee that they’re a good person, it is a very strong signal that they are not a “catfish” using fake photos. I now give much more weight and trust to profiles that have taken the time to get verified.
How to Transition from Online Chat to a Real-Life Meeting Safely
My ‘Public and Populated’ Rule
After chatting with someone for a while, when it’s time to meet in person, I follow a simple safety protocol. First, our first meeting is always during the day, in a public and populated place, like a busy coffee shop. Second, I always drive myself and meet them there, so I have control over my own transportation. And third, I always tell a friend or my daughter the name of the person I’m meeting, where we’re going, and what time. These simple steps make me feel confident and secure.
I Took a Break From Dating Apps and It Was the Best Thing I Did
The ‘Dating Sabbatical’
I had been on dating apps for about six months, and I was starting to feel cynical and tired of it all. I decided to take a “dating sabbatical.” I deactivated all my profiles for one month. I didn’t swipe, I didn’t chat, I didn’t go on any dates. I just focused on my own hobbies and friendships. When I came back to the apps a month later, I felt refreshed, more optimistic, and had a much healthier perspective on the whole process.
The Best Questions to Ask to Really Get to Know Someone
Beyond ‘What Are Your Hobbies?’
To get past the surface-level small talk, I like to ask questions that reveal someone’s character and values. Some of my favorites are: “What’s something you’re really proud of?” or “What’s a small thing that always makes you happy?” or “What’s a skill you’ve always wanted to learn?” These kinds of questions invite a more thoughtful, personal story and can tell you a lot more about a person than just asking about their favorite color.
How to Spot Someone Who Is “Love Bombing” You
The ‘Too Much, Too Soon’ Red Flag
I was talking to a man who, within two days, was telling me he had never felt this way before and that I was the most amazing woman he had ever met. It felt wonderful, but also a little overwhelming. This is a classic manipulation tactic called “love bombing.” It’s an attempt to create intense emotional attachment very quickly. It’s a major red flag for someone who may be a scammer or emotionally unstable. Real, healthy connections build slowly and steadily.
I Found a Great Hiking Group Through a Social App
My ‘Trail Mates’
I love hiking, but many of my friends aren’t able to join me on the more strenuous trails. I used the Meetup app to find a local hiking group. I found a group that does a five-mile hike every Saturday morning. The group is filled with a mix of friendly, active people of all ages. It’s been a fantastic way to explore new trails safely, get great exercise, and build a new circle of friends who share my passion for the outdoors.
The Tell-Tale Signs of a Married Person on a Dating Site
The ‘Part-Time’ Dater
I’ve learned to spot the signs of someone who is likely married or in a relationship but is on a dating site deceptively. Their profile pictures are often group shots or are blurry and obscure their face. They are very secretive about their last name or where they work. They can only ever talk or meet at very specific, odd times (like during their lunch break). And they will never, ever have a video call from their own home. These are all huge red flags.
How to Write a Follow-Up Message That Isn’t Awkward
The ‘Callback’ Compliment
After a great first date, I used to struggle with what to say in a follow-up message. My new go-to formula is simple and effective. I send a text a few hours later that says, “I had a really lovely time with you today. I especially enjoyed hearing about [specific story or topic they mentioned]. I’d love to do it again sometime.” It’s specific, it shows I was listening, and it clearly states my interest in a second date without being too pushy.
I Used Stitch to Find Companionship and Group Activities
My ‘Social Network’ for Grown-Ups
I was looking for companionship but not necessarily romance. I joined a site called Stitch. It’s a social community specifically for adults over 50. It’s not just a dating site. Members create and join groups for activities like going to the movies, potluck dinners, or local walks. I’ve met a wonderful group of friends through Stitch. It’s a fantastic platform for anyone looking to build a rich and active social life in their later years.
The Unwritten Etiquette of Online Dating You Need to Know
The ‘Golden Rule’ 2.0
I’ve learned a few key “unwritten rules” for online dating. First, be honest with your pictures and your profile. Second, if you’re not interested, just say so politely; don’t “ghost” them. Third, if you’ve been messaging for a few days, either suggest a video call or a real date, or move on—don’t just have a “pen pal.” And finally, treat everyone with the same kindness and respect that you would want to be treated with.
How to Create Boundaries for a Healthy Online Social Life
My ‘Digital’ Fence
The world of online social connection can be overwhelming. I’ve set a few clear boundaries for myself. I only check my dating apps once a day, for about 20 minutes. I do not engage in long, drawn-out text conversations with people I haven’t met; I move towards a real meeting. And I have a firm “three-strikes” rule for anyone who makes me feel uncomfortable or is disrespectful. These boundaries help me enjoy the benefits of online connection without letting it take over my life.
The “Video Profile” Feature and How to Make a Good One
My ’30-Second’ Introduction
Some dating apps now have a “video profile” feature. I decided to make one. I didn’t do anything fancy. I just sat in a well-lit spot, smiled, and recorded a simple 30-second video where I said, “Hi, I’m Bill. In my profile, I mentioned I love to garden. I’m sitting here on my back patio, and I just wanted to show you the tomatoes I’m so proud of this year.” It was a simple, authentic way to show my personality and my passion, which is so much more effective than just a static photo.
What “Ghosting,” “Breadcrumbing,” and Other Terms Mean
My ‘Dating Dictionary’
The world of modern dating has a whole new vocabulary. I had to learn a few key terms. “Ghosting” is when someone you’ve been talking to just completely disappears without any explanation. “Breadcrumbing” is when someone sends you occasional, low-effort messages just to keep you interested, but has no intention of actually meeting. And a “catfish” is someone who is using a completely fake profile with someone else’s photos. Knowing these terms helped me understand the landscape.
How to Get Back Out There After a Long Time Away
One ‘Small Step’ at a Time
After my divorce, the thought of dating again after 30 years was terrifying. I decided to take it one small, manageable step at a time. My first step was just to create a profile, without any intention of messaging anyone. My second step, a week later, was just to browse other profiles. My third step was to send one single message. By breaking it down into these tiny, non-intimidating steps, I was able to slowly and comfortably ease myself back into the dating world without feeling overwhelmed.
I Met My Best Friend on an App for Neighbors
My ‘Platonic’ Soulmate Next Door
I was feeling lonely and just wanted to find a friend in my own neighborhood to have coffee with. I joined the Nextdoor app. I saw a post from a woman my age who was new to the area and was looking for a walking buddy. I replied to her message. We met for a walk the next day, and we clicked instantly. We’ve been best friends ever since. It was a wonderful reminder that technology can be a powerful tool for finding all kinds of companionship.
The Story of How We Met… On Our iPads
Our ’21st Century’ Love Story
My partner and I are both in our late 60s. When people ask us for our “how we met” story, we love to see their reaction. We don’t have a romantic story about meeting in a bookstore or being set up by friends. We tell them the truth: “He sent me a ‘like’ on SilverSingles. I thought his profile picture was nice, so I sent him a message back. We had a video call, and then we met for coffee.” Our love story started on our iPads, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.